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Post by pantah on Feb 9, 2023 13:06:43 GMT
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Feb 16, 2023 21:39:55 GMT
A bear walks into a pub and says:
I'll have a pint of lager and a packet of cheese and...
...
onion crisps please.
Barman says Ok, but why the big pause,
Dunno says the bear, I was born with 'em.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Mar 29, 2023 8:41:47 GMT
From local radio. The last on I got off their FB page, he didnt say the punchline.
I went to the zoo the other day
It wasn't a very good zoo, it only had 1 dog.
It was a shihtzu.
When I told my builder I didn't want carpeted steps...he just gave me a blank stair.
My uncle just couldn't get the hang of ventriloquism, he used to put his fingers in my bum and tell me NOT to say anything.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Jun 2, 2023 22:14:45 GMT
My wife stormed into the hospital, grabbed my surgeon by his collar and said, "What the hell did you do to my husband? He hasn't wanted to make love to me at all since you operated on him". My surgeon gulped and said with a stammer, "But all I did was remove his cataracts".
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Jun 2, 2023 22:17:37 GMT
My son is taking part in a social experiment where he has to wear a Rangers shirt for two weeks to see how people react. So far he's been spat at, punched, and verbally abused. It'll be interesting to see what happens when he leaves the house.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Jun 2, 2023 22:18:50 GMT
My wife was a stickler for getting the energy bill down. We were getting randy the other day and she breathlessly said, "Turn off the light and stick it in me". In hindsight, I should probably have waited until the bulb had cooled down a bit.
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Post by pantah on Jul 3, 2023 13:29:14 GMT
Why is the space between a woman’s breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Sept 20, 2023 20:00:22 GMT
I'm currently writing a book about a menage a trois. I've put it in the third person.
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Post by pantah on Dec 12, 2023 18:09:09 GMT
A man from Barnsley goes to the vet.
The vet says: “I hear you’ve got a problem with your cat?”
“Aye”, the man replies,
“Is it a tom?”, asks the vet.
“No”, the man says, “I brought it wi me…”
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