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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jan 5, 2022 10:09:15 GMT
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
Go for the juggler.
What do you call a Russian bedpan?
A Pootin
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Post by pantah on Jan 5, 2022 11:15:42 GMT
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go for the juggler. What do you call a Russian bedpan? A Pootin Is that the cracker jokes Phil ? 🙂 |
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jan 5, 2022 16:57:44 GMT
Local radio Wave 105 have a feature called Worst joke Wednesday.
What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?
Dam.
The England cricket team has won an award... worst use of a bat since the Wuhan Street Market.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jan 19, 2022 9:49:11 GMT
BREAKING: The English Cricket Board announce they have appointed tennis world number one Novak Djokovic as a temporary batting coach.
"We acknowledge he doesn't have a background in our sport, but we couldn't overlook the fact it took two weeks for Australia to get him out!"
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jan 26, 2022 10:07:39 GMT
I bought one of my nieces an Aldi Humpty Dumpty toy for her birthday. It's great, it comes with Aldi Kings horses and Aldi Kings men.
My budgie broke his leg last night so I made him a splint out of matches. His little face lit up when he tried to walk.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Mar 9, 2022 10:33:04 GMT
My Ozzy mate failed his aboriginal music exam, so I asked him didja re doo it?
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Post by pantah on Apr 26, 2022 9:14:48 GMT
How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
Marry It!
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Television
2) Telephone
3) Telawoman
How are fat girls and mopeds alike?
They're both fun to ride until your friends find out.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist?
Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.
How do you make 5 pounds of fat look good?
Put a nipple on it.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have balls to scratch.
Why do women fake orgasms?
Because they think men care.
What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
Nothing, she's been told twice already.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what have you
done wrong?
Made her chain too long
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those 'evolutionary things' that allows them to stand closer
to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with 'A man once told me...'
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.. It's called a Wedding Cake.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Apr 28, 2022 17:18:39 GMT
I went to my local curry house yesterday. The waiter said they had a new dish on the menu, a Chicken Tarka, its like a Chicken Tikka but a little Otter.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Apr 28, 2022 21:21:50 GMT
My mate Joe went on the Dolly Parton diet recently.
It really did make Joe lean.
Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leeeeeean!
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Post by philthewindsurfer on May 11, 2022 10:30:45 GMT
Why dont you see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they are so good at it.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Jun 9, 2022 14:42:39 GMT
My young Spanish niece is taking a long time to learn to talk, she can't even say "please" yet.
Thats poor for four.
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Post by pantah on Jun 9, 2022 17:14:55 GMT
My young Spanish niece is taking a long time to learn to talk, she can't even say "please" yet. Thats poor for four. That made me titter 😁 |
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Oct 19, 2022 8:13:29 GMT
We were in a restaurant last night and I ordered Napoleon chicken for the first time. When It came there was no meat just the carcass.
I said to the waitress: "What's this?!!" She said: "It's the boney part".
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Oct 19, 2022 8:14:08 GMT
I went to see a Microbiologist yesterday…
He was much bigger than I expected.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Oct 19, 2022 8:14:59 GMT
I've just got a job for Halloween making plastic Draculas, theres only two of us on the production line so I've got to make every second Count.
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