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Post by pantah on Apr 4, 2021 22:39:36 GMT
WOMAN'S DIARY:
Saturday 20th October 2017
Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that.
The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.
All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong.
He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed.
I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.
After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.
I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love.
He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else.
I cried myself to sleep.
MANS DIARY:
Saturday 20th October 2017
England lost to South Africa . Gutted. Got a shag though .
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Post by pantah on May 20, 2021 15:42:07 GMT
It was exactly a year ago today my mate Dave came running out the room with tears in his eyes, screaming “it’s a boy! it’s a boy “
We never did go back to Thailand after that.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on May 20, 2021 15:59:36 GMT
Someone threw Omega 3 tablets at a friend and hit them on the head. It was ok, it was only a super-fish-oil injury.
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on May 20, 2021 18:18:58 GMT
It was exactly a year ago today my mate Dave came running out the room with tears in his eyes, screaming “it’s a boy! it’s a boy “ We never did go back to Thailand after that. Isn't there a 'confessions' thread for that sort of thing?
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Post by pantah on May 30, 2021 20:27:02 GMT
Met a beautiful girl at the park today. Sparks flew. She fell at my feet and we ended up having sex there and then. God, I love my new taser
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Post by pantah on May 31, 2021 6:35:57 GMT
Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
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Post by bella on May 31, 2021 7:59:46 GMT
You heard about the homosexual Eskimo ?, he stands outside his Igloo with his arse out hoping to get a chap on it.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on May 31, 2021 9:50:16 GMT
"Did you hear that the guy who runs the garage has been arrested for drug trafficking?
"You're kidding? He ran a garage?"
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Post by no66 on Jun 1, 2021 13:25:17 GMT
Eskimo driving on holiday in Wales when his car breaks down with steam pouring out of the bonnet.
Welsh farmer drives up in his tractor and looks under the bonnet. "You've blown a seal"
Eskimo relies, "So"? "you fuck sheep"
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Jun 2, 2021 22:03:22 GMT
Chris Eubank has just finished writing a book about ethics.
If it's well received he's planning to write one about Kent.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jun 4, 2021 8:17:56 GMT
An elderly couple were in church. The woman whispered to her husband, "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?" He softly replied, "Get a new battery for your hearing aid."
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Post by bella on Jun 5, 2021 12:35:25 GMT
You heard about the Irishman who wore a condom inside out ?.........he went.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Jun 16, 2021 7:14:06 GMT
Did you see the parachutist land on the pitch at the France v Germany game? The ref booked him for descent.
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Post by pantah on Sept 17, 2021 15:01:45 GMT
Man driving down the road
Woman driving up the same road
Man shouts out the window
"BIG FAT COW !"
Woman yells back
"FUCKING WANKER !"
Woman turns round corner
Crashes into a huge cow, and dies
Moral of the story, if only women
would fucking listen!!!
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Oct 2, 2021 7:07:12 GMT
Not a joke, but funny anyway. www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-northamptonshire-58767230A tanker driver has told how he was tailed by about 20 drivers who were dismayed to discover he was not transporting petrol.
Johnny Anderson, who drives for Weaver Haulage, was transporting 44 tonnes of mortar from Bilston, Wolverhampton, to a building site in Northamptonshire.
When he reached his destination, he saw a line of traffic backed up behind him.
"The man at the front... actually said 'You could have stopped and told us you weren't a petrol tanker," he said.
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