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Post by paulg on Oct 19, 2022 8:35:32 GMT
I've just got a job for Halloween making plastic Draculas, theres only two of us on the production line so I've got to make every second Count.
I laughed too much at this
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Post by beefus on Oct 19, 2022 8:57:40 GMT
Phil, you're on fire!!
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Oct 19, 2022 9:02:16 GMT
From local radio Wave 105 Worst joke Wednesday.
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Post by pantah on Oct 19, 2022 17:57:59 GMT
Sounded like you'd been watching Tim Vine Phil
🙂
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Nov 3, 2022 19:52:15 GMT
Now that the clocks have gone back I've put up a marquee in my garden with flashing lights and funky music.
Is this the winter of my disco tent?
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Nov 28, 2022 11:49:26 GMT
My wife and I met another couple and agreed to swap partners for the night. After 2 hours of absolutely incredible sex I stopped and thought "I wonder how the girls are getting on..."
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Nov 28, 2022 11:52:00 GMT
There are some horrible people around. I heard a cat cry out and saw 4 guys in England tops playing football with it. I was about to phone the RSPCA when the cat went 1-0 up.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Nov 28, 2022 12:57:24 GMT
Knock knock:
Who's there?
Doorbell repair man.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Nov 30, 2022 10:13:58 GMT
I was born a Male
I identify as a Male
But according to Mark's and Spencer's Jam Rolly Polly pudding I'm a family of 4
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Nov 30, 2022 10:20:23 GMT
eBay is so useless.
I tried to look up lighters and all they had was 13,749 matches.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Nov 30, 2022 10:21:55 GMT
A man called and asked the occupier if there were any odd jobs that need doing for £20 , he said, “yes the porch needs painting, there's a tin of green paint in the garage “
He finished the job, got the £20 and then said “ by the way its not a Porsche its’s a Ferrari “
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Post by pantah on Dec 2, 2022 13:05:10 GMT
A ball of string goes into a pub and asks for a pint. Barman says we don't serve string.
Undeterred the string tries again later and gets the same response, " i told you, no string in here "
String then decides to disguise itself and dresses up then ties the ends up into a kind of quiff before trying one more time and asks for a pint.
Barman looks at it and says " are you a piece of string? "
" No, I'm a frayed knot "
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Feb 1, 2023 9:40:23 GMT
What’s brown and comes out of cows backwards?
Rusty Isle of Wight ferry!
I got an email on how to read maps backwards, then I realised it was just SPAM.
I was kidnapped by a gang of mime artists...they did unspeakable things to me...
I just jot fired from my job as a taxi driver. A job I was really passionate about.
It turns out that my passengers didn't appreciate that I went the extra mile.
Times are hard and I've decided to sell my hearing aids.
Give me a shout if you're interested.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Feb 8, 2023 10:08:59 GMT
I lost my wife in Helsinki airport... She just vanished into Finnair...
Walks into a job interview and it was going so well until they said "can you perform under pressure?"
I replied I'm not sure I know all the lyrics but here goes nothing.
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do…
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Post by pantah on Feb 8, 2023 10:42:06 GMT
I lost my wife in Helsinki airport... She just vanished into Finnair... Walks into a job interview and it was going so well until they said "can you perform under pressure?" I replied I'm not sure I know all the lyrics but here goes nothing. What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people in Abu Dhabi do… Top chuckling Surfs With Wind 😁 |
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