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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Jan 20, 2020 21:22:14 GMT
Today, as I often do, I take a stroll to the out of town supermarket in the middle of the day. Right by the entrance is customer service counter. There are a few chairs there.
I see a bloke sitting there. I've seen him before. He's a tall fella with a disproportionately massive stomach. I want to call him a fucking massive fat cunt, but he's not fat all over. So fucking large is his stomach though he has to walk leaning backwards. He cannot hide his massive set of guts so does not try to. He tries to dress smart but his braces make him look like an Oliver Hardy tribute act for the visually impaired. I hope I've conveyed his appearance that the teenage boy in me would have laughed like fuck at.
That alone is not a biggie, but the fucker was demolishing a pizza. He was 2/3rds through it. How fucking hungry was he that he couldn't wait to leave the shop? How fucking hungry was he that he couldn't think to himself "I'm gonna look a proper greedy lazy cunt if I sit in customer services and eat a whole pizza?"
Fuck knows what he must tuck away every day.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Jan 20, 2020 23:12:44 GMT
Haud oan Eddie. Had he bought this pizza in the supermarket? Was it even cooked? Frozen maybe? My supermarket of choice doesn't have a pizza oven although we do get free prescriptions.
Also, he might have a massive abdominal tumour and you're all over the internet ripping his cunt. Eddie the Bastard indeed 😂
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Post by norbs on Jan 21, 2020 6:29:22 GMT
Ahhhh Eddie, you're body shaming the big fat lazy cunt and that's a hate crime. Expect a visit from the thought police and a trip to the re-education centre.
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Post by norbs on Jan 21, 2020 6:31:30 GMT
PS, get a pic of the tub of lard next time. Preferably eating a family size tub of Quality Street.
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Post by roobarb on Jan 21, 2020 7:23:52 GMT
The clue is in that he wasn't fat all over. The guy was a shoplifter with a week's worth of groceries stuffed into a giant pocket strapped to his midriff (held in place in part by the braces). He didn't have any dinner the night before so he could publicly eat an entire pizza the next day thus avoiding the suspicious scrutiny of store security. Elementary, my dear Eddie.
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Post by beefus on Jan 21, 2020 7:36:59 GMT
#StandWithFatGreedyCunts
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Jan 21, 2020 8:35:55 GMT
Sorry, but is "fat cunt eats pizza in food shop" really the best inaugural storyline for a thread called "fuck me, that's a bit unexpected"?
Now if you'd have come up with a story about a badger that finds a WW1 gatling gun in the woods and starts shooting at pensioners in mobility buggies, that would have been unexpected.
Where's Roald Dahl when you need him eh? He was THE MAN for tales of the unexpected.
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Post by spuu on Jan 22, 2020 2:57:16 GMT
The other night i'm browsing Netflix for a film and come across 'Under the Skin'. Billed as having critical acclaim and more importantly starring Scarlet Johansson, I decide to give it a go. I'm not even going to try and describe how strange this film is. Then about halfway though with the plot getting only stranger, Jeremy McWilliams then makes an appearance. Yes as in Jezza the ex gp racer. I think I may have muttered the very words of this thread subject.
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Post by neilf on Jan 22, 2020 10:31:45 GMT
The other night i'm browsing Netflix for a film and come across 'Under the Skin'. Billed as having critical acclaim and more importantly starring Scarlet Johansson, I decide to give it a go. I'm not even going to try and describe how strange this film is. Then about halfway though with the plot getting only stranger, Jeremy McWilliams then makes an appearance. Yes as in Jezza the ex gp racer. I think I may have muttered the very words of this thread subject. You want to try watching Predestination starring Ethan Hawk... head fuck! |
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Jan 22, 2020 19:41:45 GMT
Well, seeing the mixed responses, I felt I had to investigate more. Initially, the 'take away' style box confused me a bit so I went and checked out the normally ignored counters. Yes, they do pizzas. The fat fuucker had waddled in, got his snack, polished it off within 10 feet of the tills and then no doubt had a shite. All under one roof.
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Post by roobarb on Apr 21, 2021 18:47:21 GMT
Holy Thread Resurrection Batman
According to wikipedia so it must be true, Sete Gibernau is the grandson of the dude who founded Bultaco.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Apr 21, 2021 19:05:50 GMT
Holy Thread Resurrection Batman According to wikipedia so it must be true, Sete Gibernau is the grandson of the dude who founded Bultaco. It is indeed true. |
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Post by Droog on Apr 21, 2021 20:53:28 GMT
Holy Thread Resurrection Batman According to wikipedia so it must be true, Sete Gibernau is the grandson of the dude who founded Bultaco. I thought that was common knowledge? Moody and Ryder used to mention it every week. In fact, I'm pretty sure I first heard it said during commentary around about 1996? |
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Post by spentcase on Apr 21, 2021 21:04:43 GMT
Johnny Depp is from the same hometown as Nicky Hayden
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Apr 21, 2021 22:54:41 GMT
My mum's sister's daughter's husband's brother played the teacher in Pink Floyd's The Wall.
Never met the cunt.
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