Post by mekon on Aug 8, 2024 13:40:45 GMT
Well, unless your parents already live in a bungalow, have a wetroom etc. then never agree with the social services that care in the home is best. Especially if you don't live on the doorstep.
This last 20 months has been an utter nightmare and literally drove me to anti-depressants at one point. As I was going at this blind I've been lead down the garden path by social services, doctors and the home care company.
If your parents ever need care just put them in a home unless the remaining parent is in VERY good nick and able to help but in my case also end up with dementia so there's two of them. The main problems are....
1. Carer breaks....they all even though providing live in care they need 2 hours a day of break. This can be cumulative depending on the carer. This was the bane of my life last year. The care company was on my back almost instantly with this and said it's up to the family to provide the breaks. Intially it was sold to me that my step dad would do it as he had capacity so would look after my mum for 2 hours a day. It quickly became clear he was also on the way out mentally so muggins had to start doing it. I found a dementia day care club to take 8 hours out of it but at £250 a day I wasn't going to send them twice a week.....Eventually after some more doctor/social services interference then the care company then told me they also had a carer break service....so I ended up paying another £800 a month just so I could have my 6 hours a week back, which was becoming increasing hard as my mum started to be less and less mobile.
2, You're a landlord. With no benefits. I live 20 miles from them but any time a fuse needs flipping or there's a leaky tap or any old shit then you have to sort it. You also have to buy their food, pay their bills. Oh and until the point they go registered as housebound with the NHS I had to go and take them to all their medical appointments and anything else. Last year was a fucking nightmare as both were constantly ill with endless hospital appointments.
3. You begin to resent anyone not pulling their weight. Which in my case is my brother in Australia. You waste so much of your time. I literally wasted 2023.
4. Constant annoyance from carers, doctors or social services. There's always some problem with the house. Something is always unsuitable and can you change it. We had rails all over the house, wetroom conversions, dining room converted into a bedroom and the final straw of recently needing two carers taking the total costs to around 16k a month!!!
5. If you step back and do the sums it's barely any more expensive so don't let social services or carers moralise you about how it's best for them when it won't be best for you and after a point they don't even know where they are anymore anyway. The problem is you get moralised into keeping them in their own house. They were paying out 9k a month all in including food, utilities, council tax etc. Care home for both is just over 9k a month.
Hopefully this is the resolution I've been needing and I can get my life back and not be tied to that stupid fucking house and have to listen to the carer whinging on about how hard it is.
This last 20 months has been an utter nightmare and literally drove me to anti-depressants at one point. As I was going at this blind I've been lead down the garden path by social services, doctors and the home care company.
If your parents ever need care just put them in a home unless the remaining parent is in VERY good nick and able to help but in my case also end up with dementia so there's two of them. The main problems are....
1. Carer breaks....they all even though providing live in care they need 2 hours a day of break. This can be cumulative depending on the carer. This was the bane of my life last year. The care company was on my back almost instantly with this and said it's up to the family to provide the breaks. Intially it was sold to me that my step dad would do it as he had capacity so would look after my mum for 2 hours a day. It quickly became clear he was also on the way out mentally so muggins had to start doing it. I found a dementia day care club to take 8 hours out of it but at £250 a day I wasn't going to send them twice a week.....Eventually after some more doctor/social services interference then the care company then told me they also had a carer break service....so I ended up paying another £800 a month just so I could have my 6 hours a week back, which was becoming increasing hard as my mum started to be less and less mobile.
2, You're a landlord. With no benefits. I live 20 miles from them but any time a fuse needs flipping or there's a leaky tap or any old shit then you have to sort it. You also have to buy their food, pay their bills. Oh and until the point they go registered as housebound with the NHS I had to go and take them to all their medical appointments and anything else. Last year was a fucking nightmare as both were constantly ill with endless hospital appointments.
3. You begin to resent anyone not pulling their weight. Which in my case is my brother in Australia. You waste so much of your time. I literally wasted 2023.
4. Constant annoyance from carers, doctors or social services. There's always some problem with the house. Something is always unsuitable and can you change it. We had rails all over the house, wetroom conversions, dining room converted into a bedroom and the final straw of recently needing two carers taking the total costs to around 16k a month!!!
5. If you step back and do the sums it's barely any more expensive so don't let social services or carers moralise you about how it's best for them when it won't be best for you and after a point they don't even know where they are anymore anyway. The problem is you get moralised into keeping them in their own house. They were paying out 9k a month all in including food, utilities, council tax etc. Care home for both is just over 9k a month.
Hopefully this is the resolution I've been needing and I can get my life back and not be tied to that stupid fucking house and have to listen to the carer whinging on about how hard it is.
