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Post by spentcase on Apr 14, 2021 13:21:46 GMT
. After an incident with the toilet pan and a sledgehammer said pan was out of bounds for a spell. Morning ablutions were done in bin liners with a weigh in to decide whose shite was the heaviest. Happy days 😁 Sounds like an uber weekend. Who was your flat mate, Keith Moon? |
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Apr 14, 2021 13:48:12 GMT
. After an incident with the toilet pan and a sledgehammer said pan was out of bounds for a spell. Morning ablutions were done in bin liners with a weigh in to decide whose shite was the heaviest. Happy days 😁 Sounds like an uber weekend. Who was your flat mate, Keith Moon? He's from Edinburgh Spents. You do realise that Trainspotting was a documentary? |
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Post by Droog on Apr 14, 2021 14:03:17 GMT
I go at least twice a day. Normal amount but now and then I shit an arm that refuses to be flushed in one sitting. My movements have been of a Mr Whippy consistency for years no matter what I eat or drink. Unless I do a big one, which is always solid. This makes wiping ones bum a chore. I can easily go through half a loo roll for one dump. It's like there is a brown crayon sticking out my hoop. No matter how much I wipe, it keeps leaving a trace. After the paper wipes I then go on to polish with several wet wipes. My usual routine consists of a game of Classic Bubble Breaker or Solitare whilst I perform the deed. Then it takes me a good five minutes of cleaning. This is made more difficult due to the blown rotator cuff. The resulting mess takes two or three flushes to be gone. If I tried to flush in one it would fail. Obviously my wet wipes are flushable.
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Apr 14, 2021 14:45:36 GMT
Living in Thailand was a revelation in terms of arse hygiene. A little hose next to the crapper to jetwash yer ring-piece on a hot day after a Green Thai Curry the night before is a life saver. The paper is only to dry off.
They think we're disgusting trying to wipe our arses clean with dry tissues. I think they have a point.
When we bought our new gaff in Spain after coming back from Thailand we had bum-hoses installed in both bathrooms and my home crapping experience is all the better for it. Means I hate shitting anywhere else though.
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Post by Droog on Apr 14, 2021 14:51:38 GMT
When I had that nice flat on Brighton seafront, it had a bidet which I used a lot. Back in the 80's, most of my friends houses had a bidet as it was a popular thing to have. Being council estate poor myself, we never had one. Although we did have a downstairs toilet as well as one upstairs in the bathroom which seemed like opulence when I was a child.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Apr 14, 2021 15:13:26 GMT
Living in Thailand was a revelation in terms of arse hygiene. A little hose next to the crapper to jetwash yer ring-piece on a hot day after a Green Thai Curry the night before is a life saver. Those arse hoses are brilliant. Also handy for rinsing off the bowl if the Thai curry has also resulted in you leaving it looking like a suicide bombing in Thorntons. I also noted that some less salubrious establishments had a large barrel of water with a plastic scoop next to the lavvy. I never did dare ask what this was for. |
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Apr 14, 2021 15:20:46 GMT
Living in Thailand was a revelation in terms of arse hygiene. A little hose next to the crapper to jetwash yer ring-piece on a hot day after a Green Thai Curry the night before is a life saver. I also noted that some less salubrious establishments had a large barrel of water with a plastic scoop next to the lavvy. I never did dare ask what this was for. That's for flushing if there's no cistern! You're not supposed to dunk yer arse in the barrel...  |
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Apr 14, 2021 15:24:01 GMT
I also noted that some less salubrious establishments had a large barrel of water with a plastic scoop next to the lavvy. I never did dare ask what this was for. That's for flushing if there's no cistern! You're not supposed to dunk yer arse in the barrel... Every day's a school day. |
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Post by pantah on Apr 14, 2021 15:43:51 GMT
Sounds like an uber weekend. Who was your flat mate, Keith Moon? He's from Edinburgh Spents. You do realise that Trainspotting was a documentary? I reckon this thread has legs. Anal therapy 😁 |
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Apr 14, 2021 17:24:43 GMT
I reckon I'm going out like Elvis one day. About once a year, I try to pass a pineapple sized one. My heart rate races and my temperature goes up whilst my aris reaches splitting point. I then have to dig it out and spend the next few days in a most uncomfortable state.
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Post by mekon on Apr 14, 2021 17:44:08 GMT
Psyllium husk is great for moving shit along. If I'm getting to uncomfortable stage of bloating and it needs to be shifted I will down some spoonfulls with a lot of water and wait for the urge to occupy the toilet.
My stepdad also had a problem a while back and they seemed to over-prescribe him and he got about 10 boxes of this heavy duty unblocker. I've yet to need to it but it's good to have industrial strength stuff there if needed.
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Post by bella on Apr 14, 2021 18:01:17 GMT
One of my workmates used to shit on a railway sleeper round the back of this farm we were re roofing, they were like tins of dogmeat lined up, i used to think "what diameter bore has he got shiting like that".
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Post by spentcase on Apr 14, 2021 18:09:30 GMT
I've seen a gert log in a public bog in Leicester. It was girthed-to-fuck and the middle of it was wrapped in bog roll with visible grip mark indentations in it.
Clearly it had got stuck halfway and needed an assist.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Apr 14, 2021 19:39:35 GMT
Any excuse to present this classic again...
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Post by spentcase on Apr 15, 2021 6:32:05 GMT
Morning ablutions were done in bin liners with a weigh in to decide whose shite was the heaviest. Just re-reading this and it got me thinking about how, essentially, we are all the same, but there are small cultural differences which make us all our own person. I notice how, in Pants' culture, the mass of the log is most prized, whereas in the military the winner of a dung competition was who's cack was the largest; this would be measured in ID cards. Each has their merits. Mass gives a better indicator of the total volume of plop, but does not account possible hoop trauma, (eg if the dung was sloppy) Size, (in ID Cards) gives a more realistic insight into the pressures and forces exerted on the contestants sphinny-jones. I know a lot of you blokes are quite engineering orientated and I would be interested to hear your thoughts...... |
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