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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Nov 4, 2017 9:38:35 GMT
Not to early to start this.
First nomination: Me.
Japanese colleague came back from a home visit with some mysterious cakes, individually sealed. On opening one I found what I thought was a 'salt and shake' style sachet. It looked like ground coffee. I thought it might be chocolate or some spice. Made a bit of a mess but tasted of nothing. An hour later I spotted 'do not eat' on a similar and larger sachet. Checked what I had eaten and it was on there too. My colleague could sort of read the other stuff and told me to drink lots of water. NHS Direct were very polite but when I heard this was not on their database, they might just as well have said "you really are a special kind of cunt, well done, you have raised the bar". They ultimately reassured me though. Internet research suggested it was essentially dirty iron filings. All morning, all I could hear was giggling as news spread. My first shite was a collection of mini black snooker balls, so the iron research looked sound. The next day, we had a leaving do. When the packets of hand wipes were put out, some clever sod shouted "don't it eat it!" at me.
I appreciate this could also come under a confessions thread.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 4, 2017 14:53:13 GMT
At least you won't be shitting bricks. You cunt.
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Post by paulg on Nov 4, 2017 15:53:32 GMT
Not to early to start this. First nomination: Me. Japanese colleague came back from a home visit with some mysterious cakes, individually sealed. On opening one I found what I thought was a 'salt and shake' style sachet. It looked like ground coffee. I thought it might be chocolate or some spice. Made a bit of a mess but tasted of nothing. An hour later I spotted 'do not eat' on a similar and larger sachet. Checked what I had eaten and it was on there too. My colleague could sort of read the other stuff and told me to drink lots of water. NHS Direct were very polite but when I heard this was not on their database, they might just as well have said "you really are a special kind of cunt, well done, you have raised the bar". They ultimately reassured me though. Internet research suggested it was essentially dirty iron filings. All morning, all I could hear was giggling as news spread. My first shite was a collection of mini black snooker balls, so the iron research looked sound. The next day, we had a leaving do. When the packets of hand wipes were put out, some clever sod shouted "don't it eat it!" at me. I appreciate this could also come under a confessions thread.  you spaz! |
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Nov 4, 2017 17:03:11 GMT
Japanese? Did it give you a nippy arse?
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Post by Droog on Nov 6, 2017 14:20:12 GMT
Where I work the management and my colleagues are like a bunch of gossiping hens. I know that happens at most places but this is like working with 20 Dot Cotton's. Our works manager tries to be everyone's friend but ultimately stabs everyone in the back at some point. He tells us stuff that he shouldn't whether personal (about other staff) or about the business. He likes drama. The other day my supervisor took me to one side and said that our manager had said that I had been telling him that he the supervisor was a lazy cunt. Now he is a lazy cunt and I have told him myself in person this on more than one occasion. But I have never said anything to the works manager behind his back.
Understandably I was pissed off about this. What made it worse was the fact that being on nights I rarely see the manager anyway so I couldn't just go pull him on it there and then. I rang him up in the afternoon from home and pulled him on what had been said. Naturally he denied all knowledge of it on the phone to me because we both knew it never happened. He then phoned my supervisor and said I had threatened him and to ignore anything I said regarding the matter. Unbeknown to him, I recorded the whole phone call and took it into work and played it in front of the night shift and the late shift who were about to leave.
Obviously this got back to the manager that we now all knew he was a lying cunt making shit up. He has to come in and see us on Wednesday morning and I've been reliably informed he is shitting himself. What makes it worse is that a colleague of mine was recently sacked under dubious circumstances. The works manager is now looking like he set him up for the fall. What the fuck is wrong with some people?
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Post by Diego the toe clipper on Nov 7, 2017 11:11:03 GMT
What the fuck are the Japanese doing putting sachets of iron filings in with cakes???
Wierdos.
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Post by philthewindsurfer on Nov 12, 2017 8:37:00 GMT
Cunt of the year has to be the sad tosser posting most on forums. C'mon you lot, post more.  |
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Dec 10, 2017 11:39:16 GMT
Another nomination for me, this time from the wife. This morning I knocked over a luminous orange drink right in the middle of our pale living room carpet.
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Post by vazy on Dec 10, 2017 17:58:42 GMT
Another nomination for me, this time from the wife. This morning I knocked over a luminous orange drink right in the middle of our pale living room carpet. i didn't want to say on FB Eddie, but here is a top tip. Shite is good for removing difficult stains, how you apply it is up to you. |
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Post by Droog on Dec 10, 2017 18:34:26 GMT
My new flat has pale carpets. Just walking on them in socks leaves debris that mean if I don't hoover the hall and my bedroom carpet at least twice a week they look awful. Had my missus and my son over this weekend and the pair of them managed to mark my table and flood the bathroom which ended up in me having to lift up the lino and remove the bath panel to clean it all up. Fuckers.
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Dec 10, 2017 19:25:51 GMT
Another nomination for me, this time from the wife. This morning I knocked over a luminous orange drink right in the middle of our pale living room carpet. i didn't want to say on FB Eddie, but here is a top tip. Shite is good for removing difficult stains, how you apply it is up to you. I nearly shat myself on the spot. Anyone who has ever had a vitamin c drink knows full well that your fist slash an hour or two later would be the ideal slash for a full golden shower experience. |
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Dec 10, 2017 19:28:35 GMT
My new flat has pale carpets. Just walking on them in socks leaves debris that mean if I don't hoover the hall and my bedroom carpet at least twice a week they look awful. Had my missus and my son over this weekend and the pair of them managed to mark my table and flood the bathroom which ended up in me having to lift up the lino and remove the bath panel to clean it all up. Fuckers. That's not funny. I hope they were there to see what it took to sort that out. |
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Post by Droog on Dec 13, 2017 17:16:01 GMT
I did it in front of them whilst shaking my head and moaning to myself. Sadly they have both had years of this so it had little to no effect.
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Post by Eddie The Bastard on Dec 13, 2017 20:15:33 GMT
I had the embarrassment of a packet of 100s and 1,000s as part of my secret santa prezzie. Cap doffed.
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Post by elnoodle the reasonable on Dec 14, 2017 0:29:14 GMT
This is very mild cuntery. Has nobody shat on a nun?
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you spaz! 
